There’s a quote that I absolutely love – especially as I watch myself grow and heal into the Queen I was always meant to be.
“The Ghosts of all the women you used to be are all so proud of who you have become. Storm child made of wild and flame.”
It feels as though I am at a pivotal point in my journey where rubber meets the road. Do I honor myself and my boundaries, while trusting God’s goodness for me, more than my grip of control? Am I willing to risk it all because honoring my identity in Christ and trusting God is more important than what I desire? Or, am I still making myself ‘less – than’ and making compromises because I’m afraid of pain?
As I have been confronted with this concept- I feel the need to remind myself WHO I AM, and WHOSE I AM while remembering that I am made of wild and flame. There may be some who cannot handle my flame and there may be some who can. For those who can’t – there is pain and grief in the great loss of watching them walk away from me. However, those who can are people who love me unconditionally. These individuals can speak the truth in love, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17, they can support me as I follow thru on a boundary – even when the pain seems overwhelming at times. They can also come back around when a boundary is laid and an offense has been made – they repent, submitting to true change and healing in their own life. These people who can handle my flame are ones who will fan it – so I will grow in strength. They do not seek to douse my flame. These are souls that carry their own wild and flame, helping mine to get bigger – cheering me on every time I bolster my own fire.
This letter is to the storm child made of wild and flame – to remind her of her goodness and power, while reminding her that she has a Heavenly Father who defends her in love and HE is GOOD, regardless of pain:
I am a STRONG woman. I do HARD and HOLY things. I stand firm with truth, light, goodness, purity and integrity. I am COURAGEOUS I am not afraid to expose darkness to the light and speak TRUTH. I am EQUIPPED and RESILIENT enough to hold fast to my boundaries, which protect and honor my identity as a child of God. I am worthy to be treated with respect, kindness, honor, gentleness, compassion, goodness and above all else: love. I KNOW WHO I AM.
I am learning to see difficult circumstances with balance. It is not all or nothing, or black and white. I am growing in compassion, empathy, and understanding. I am growing in being firm, yet kind. I forgive myself for old ways I used to survive and cope. I am healing. I CONNECT rather than COPE. I am able to identify what I need. I am learning about what I want. I am able to ASK for what I need and want in a relationship. I can advocate and protect the little girl inside of me – God created her and she is precious. I am a seeker of knowledge, wisdom and understanding. I am learning to have fun.
I have FAITH.
In the midst of my ANGER towards God I continue to demonstrate this FAITH. I AM the bleeding woman and the gentile woman who begged Jesus to give her table scraps – I have BIG faith! When I cannot connect to Immanuel, when my pain levels increase to max capacity, when it feels like I’m crying out to a wall. I KEEP CRYING, and I KEEP SHOVELING THE BLACK SLUDGE that distorts my vision of Immanuel. EVEN though I don’t get the connection I want when I want- I KEEP MOVING THRU MY PAIN.
I am STUBBORN. My stubborn heart has held the TRUTH inside of me despite years of distorted beliefs. It created a cocoon around that truth and protected me for decades. That flame of truth was in me the WHOLE TIME and I followed it despite the outcomes or pain. My stubbornness has helped me to begin living from the heart Jesus gave me because I relentlessly refuse to stop searching for the God I’ve always wanted to be with. My stubbornness allows me to HONOR my identity in Christ and hold fast to my boundaries while protecting the storm child God has redeemed.
I am BRAVE. I keep moving forward and exposing myself to those who can love me and help me every time I hit a wall. I assess emotional risks, damage and the work to be done and I keep pressing in. I know the Lord is fighting for me in battle and so I can be brave as I wait: “Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.” -Psalm 27:14 I am TENACIOUS and can press on regardless of outcome.
I am a MIRACLE! In all aspects of reality – I never should have walked back into the arms of my Savior. In the face of evil, abuse and immaturity, I have COURAGEOUSLY exposed darkness and prophesied TRUTH. I am a woman who STANDS HER GROUND. I am a PROTECTOR for self and the least of these. Regardless of others’ anger or reactions – I hold fast because I know the One whose holding me fast.
I will sing of your love and justice, Lord.
I will praise you with songs.
2 I will be careful to live a blameless life—
when will you come to help me?
I will lead a life of integrity
in my own home.
3 I will refuse to look at
anything vile and vulgar.
I hate all who deal crookedly;
I will have nothing to do with them.
4 I will reject perverse ideas
and stay away from every evil.
5 I will not tolerate people who slander their neighbors.
I will not endure conceit and pride.
6 I will search for faithful people
to be my companions.
Only those who are above reproach
will be allowed to serve me.
7 I will not allow deceivers to serve in my house,
and liars will not stay in my presence.
8 My daily task will be to ferret out the wicked
and free the city of the Lord from their grip. -Psalm 101
Today, you may not feel like a storm child made of wild and flame – but you are. My dear sister, you are growing, changing and becoming. Each day you step into the Queen God made you to be. You are HIS and HIS image on your heart, is worthy of dignity, respect and love.
You are not alone.