From the archive of the heart. Old patterns are hard to break: sometimes we learn them twice.

I never left you.  I never wanted you to leave…

  I did my best to be there for you.  

I spoke life: sending you weekly encouragement. Prophesying truth over the man I loved.

  I told you that I believed you were a man after God’s own heart.

I remember sitting on your lap in the living room

holding you as you cried

You were worried and I simply held you.  

I tried to be your rock, and your cheerleader- your woman who stood by your side.

I’m not perfect but I offered you all of me, giving you my best

But you didn’t see me. 

You didn’t see me when I sang to you,

when I prayed over you,

when I told you were handsome.  

You didn’t see me when I prayed for you in the middle of the night. 

You didn’t see when I forgave with mercy. 

You didn’t see when I reminded you of your strength and heart.

  You didn’t see me when I spoke truth over your life and supported your calling. 

You didn’t see when I bought tools, and books to support your journey and wisdom

You didn’t see the tears I cried for your fight against the darkness.  

You didn’t see.

You never saw what I was offering.

You want a “dream” of a wife who will be by your side – and yet you didn’t know you held her all along.

Even though I know you’re not there – I still wonder every night – how you are doing,

Wondering if you care, yet your behavior speaks the truth of a different kind.

“Be still and know that I’m with you

Be still and know that I am here

Be still, Be still and know

When darkness comes for you

And covers you with fear and shame

Be still and know that I’m with you

And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed

And sleep no longer comes

Remember heart the words I said

Be still, be still and know

When you go through the valley

And shadow comes from down the hill

If morning never comes to be

Bes till be still , be still

If you forget the way to go

And lose where you came from

If no one is standing beside you

Be still and know I am

Be still know that I’m with you

Be still and know I am “ – The Fray

I was this lyric.  You didn’t see. 

I sat with you in your darkness – I never left when it came to be.

I brought you into my home in times of trouble

And did you do the same for me?

When will I learn to keep my love to myself and share only with one who is ready to receive and reciprocate?

You didn’t see me and what I offered to you.

You didn’t know what you held in your hands.

The truth: I would STILL sit with you and say your name when darkness came and fills you with fear and shame.

I never stopped, because true love won’t discard the other

I was there when you lost where you came from –

I was the only one to stand beside and show you truth.

Be still –   I wish you could know who I am.

I hope one day you do

“I have loved you for a thousand years”, she says in the song you sent

“I guess she lied”, I whisper in my lament

Written by Rochelle Sadie