From the archive of the heart. Old patterns are hard to break: sometimes we learn them twice.
I never left you. I never wanted you to leave…
I did my best to be there for you.
I spoke life: sending you weekly encouragement. Prophesying truth over the man I loved.
I told you that I believed you were a man after God’s own heart.
I remember sitting on your lap in the living room
holding you as you cried
You were worried and I simply held you.
I tried to be your rock, and your cheerleader- your woman who stood by your side.
I’m not perfect but I offered you all of me, giving you my best
But you didn’t see me.
You didn’t see me when I sang to you,
when I prayed over you,
when I told you were handsome.
You didn’t see me when I prayed for you in the middle of the night.
You didn’t see when I forgave with mercy.
You didn’t see when I reminded you of your strength and heart.
You didn’t see me when I spoke truth over your life and supported your calling.
You didn’t see when I bought tools, and books to support your journey and wisdom
You didn’t see the tears I cried for your fight against the darkness.
You didn’t see.
You never saw what I was offering.
You want a “dream” of a wife who will be by your side – and yet you didn’t know you held her all along.
Even though I know you’re not there – I still wonder every night – how you are doing,
Wondering if you care, yet your behavior speaks the truth of a different kind.
“Be still and know that I’m with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still, Be still and know
When darkness comes for you
And covers you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I’m with you
And I will say your name
If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember heart the words I said
Be still, be still and know
When you go through the valley
And shadow comes from down the hill
If morning never comes to be
Bes till be still , be still
If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am
Be still know that I’m with you
Be still and know I am “ – The Fray
I was this lyric. You didn’t see.
I sat with you in your darkness – I never left when it came to be.
I brought you into my home in times of trouble
And did you do the same for me?
When will I learn to keep my love to myself and share only with one who is ready to receive and reciprocate?
You didn’t see me and what I offered to you.
You didn’t know what you held in your hands.
The truth: I would STILL sit with you and say your name when darkness came and fills you with fear and shame.
I never stopped, because true love won’t discard the other
I was there when you lost where you came from –
I was the only one to stand beside and show you truth.
Be still – I wish you could know who I am.
I hope one day you do
“I have loved you for a thousand years”, she says in the song you sent
“I guess she lied”, I whisper in my lament
Written by Rochelle Sadie