I have no more tears to cry

But I sit in sadness without you here

I have no more tears to cry

As the anguish shreds my heart

I have no more tears to cry

The lump in my throat threatens to break the dam

I have no more tears to cry

Though I’m terrified that you’ve gone

I have no more tears to cry

Even devastated and fiercely gripping in the pain

Why has the well run dry?

Why cant I reach you in my need, my craving and my will?

Why has the moisture left my eyes?

I cannot cry.

I stare.

Stare at the wall, a book, the TV, the window, my coffee in hand and the food on my plate, which I’m meant to eat, but can’t.

All these places I lock my eyes waiting for the wave to wash over me.

Sleep my only solitude

My only escape

When will it get better?

When will the tears return?

I have more to lose       

More to cry

Hold my heart

My wide open heart

If I close it – it will hurt

If I leave it open – it will bleed

More to cry

But can’t

And so I long

Enter into the longing

Embrace the taste of sorrow and longing

Without my tears

In the numb

In the small moments of every day

The echoes of you haunting everything I do

Love,

Rochelle Sadie