I had wings. Well, I was born with them.

Bright, beautiful, vibrant, untouched, innocent and magnificent.

I came into this world with my wings fully extended – longer than the length of my body. Strong and powerful. My soul strength is what made them move, made them flex in their grace.

My soul’s own eternal state let them breathe – unashamed and out for all the world to see.

I came with eyes wide-open, wings stretched, ready to explore, learn, love, experience and touch. My wings were ready to be fully immersed in it all. They knew- and they would proudly present me to each place.

I was born ready to take up space – my FULLEST wingspan could not be contained. The intensity of the muscle behind each wing; my confidence. Each feather, delicately chosen to reflect the image of God stamped into my being – a dedication from the song the Great Creator sings over me, displaying the magnitude of His banner of love over my life.

That’s what I was born with. But something happened…

Little by little…

They clipped my wings when they told me “not to sit like that”, “not to wear that”, “not to wear my makeup like that”, “not to do my hair like that”

They clipped my wings when they told me to keep secrets and when they told me they loved me but didn’t spend time with me

They clipped my wings when they didn’t believe in me

They clipped my wings when they told me my way of worshiping wasn’t the right way

They clipped my wings when they told me the way I move my body in praise and worship is causing “men to stumble”

They clipped my wings when they told me not to tell my friend that I love him

They clipped my wings when they made fun of me, gossiped behind my back and wrote me hate letters.

They clipped my wings when they said I wasn’t good, cool, fun, or exciting enough

They clipped my wings when I said ‘Hi’, then laughed at me and ran away.

They clipped my wings when they held me against my will, touched me without my consent

They clipped my wings when they criticized me upon entering a room

They clipped my wings when they shamed my body, discussed my period and my breasts

They clipped my wings when they didn’t let me have the role in church because of my gender.

They clipped my wings when they told me they loved me, and then chose another

They clipped my wings when they said they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me and then left

They clipped my wings when they flattered me and then devoured my flesh

They clipped my wings when they looked me in the eyes and lied

They clipped my wings when they kissed me with no intention of staying

They clipped my wings when they led me to believe I was their one and only

And one by one the feathers darkened, the light went out, radiance fled, and the color of coal spread across the beauty that my muscles held

How does one grieve each feather that falls all at the same time? I can’t. There are too many, each as irreplaceable as the next – feathers of gold turned black as night.

And so I am grounded. No longer soaring in my spirit; believing that I am unacceptable, not able, good enough, loveable, or worthy. Banished to the Earth with mine and their shame dripping from my feather’s precious power.

I had wings. I was born with them – ready to take up space and now…. Well, now they are bound. Bound down against my skin – heavy, broken, separated from my soul.

Someday – I know that they will return to their original glory. Repaired, renewed, and stronger than before. They will fully spread again as I find the authority in my own voice, as I unbind the shame of what was and let my wings extend to the heights they were meant to reach. No star in the expanse of the sky is too far for the range of my wings empowered by my spirit – God’s spirit.

And so, I loosen the buckle that holds them pressed against my back- and I let them breathe, arms stretched open wide…. I am taking up space, do you see me?! …. In. Out. Inhale Goodness – Exhale joy. Inhale Goodness – Exhale Joy. Inhale Goodness – Exhale Joy.

My soul BELONGS to these wings, I am HOME. And, by regeneration, the color returns and a fresh wind blows through a NEW space as I exercise the power of my inheritance – My Wings.

“You made her little less than heavenly beings and crowned her with glory and honor.” -Psalm 8:5

Rochelle Sadie