WORDS.

Words like vines climb

They climbed up thru my toes and into my mind

Wrapped around my heart

Words.

Your words.

Words flourishing words sprouting

Petals, blooming, daisies, lilies

Words.

Your words.

Soft.

Words like sweet honeysuckle.

Nectar, infused into my arteries

Words.

Your words.

Trusting, kind, reassuring, loving.

Promises.

Your words made promises.

Words like vines grew thorns

They ejected, venom

Poisoning. Painful. Paralyzing.

Words.

Your words.

Demeaning. Denying. Dismissive

Petals falling. Color fading. Wilting.

Dark.

Dead

Words

Your words.

“It’s you or no one else”

“I love you”

Falsehoods. Fraud. Feigned.

Sadistic Swords:

“Jesus loves you. Rochelle, why do you have to be so negative, emotional, analytical?”

“I just want to be the hands and feet of Jesus.   Rochelle, lighten up,  you don’t have to take it so personal, why do you have to make a big deal about it.”

“I just want God to keep me low and humble.  Rochelle, why can’t you just be grateful for the …”

“Why Rochelle?”

And then they were gone.

Words.

Your words

no more.

Here comes the light.

Freed.  Rochelle Sadie

***************************************************************************************************************************************

NIGHTTIME

I hate the nighttime.

I’m left alone in the dark

It’s not the dark that scares me

It’s the heaviness of the memories

The feelings, the ache and longing which haunts me in the dark

 

The dark hangs, thick with sorrow

The sorrow of what I wanted and what is no longer

It carries with it the loss of my ideal and the stench of my greatest fear.

Alone.

I can feel the dark pressure on my back, the salt of it’s taste on my tongue

Bitter. Sweet.

In it’s dichotomy of death and precious memories I still rehearse

 

Let Go.

Yet, how do you let go when darkness is thy faithful companion?

How does one release in a space and color that lays in eternal suspension?

 

Darkness.

No family movie and pizza nights

No Christmas Eve with the kindest most gracious mother-in-law a girl could ever hope for

No fried chicken from the grocer up the road

No more soccer games in the rain, monopoly or artistic creations 

No more watching their little hearts and minds develop and expand with each new experience

No chance to see them cross the threshold into womanhood

No more hand holding while we drive down the road running our errands together like regular people do 

No more laughing hysterically in the car, on walks, at the Chinese buffet in the corner booth

“But it wasn’t what you thought.   It was a facade, mirage, smokescreen, and lie because of a charlatan’s insecurity and shame,”  the Spirit states.

“You got too close, he fears love and worships power and control,”  She whispers in the nighttime.

 

This and more from the darkness.   Like thunder clouds roll in over the great peaks of the mountains.

And it rains.

Darkness presses the tears out of my body

One at a time.

Let them go.

 

Each face, tone of voice, giggle, hand held, hug, smile, kiss, prayer and hope of being the one to cherish life with them – each one of these expelled from my being, one tear at a time

 

My story will continue in the darkness

How?

I do not know.  I’m too weary to know

Maybe the darkness will say new things to me.  Healing things.

 

Healing things that can only be spoken in silence

Silence – it brings with it clear

That’s it.  I see ‘clear’ – the absence of color and I feel lighter – intrigued

 

Silence – a blank slate of mystery

It impresses the message deep in my soul

 

Hmmm… wonder?  Is that you?

Clear curiosity

Silence – the matter underneath the amoeba of darkness

 

Letting Go.

Revealing the clarity of silence.

I sigh.

I say, “Lay in the darkness and seek the silence”

 

Perhaps ‘they’ will become a part of the woven tapestry that is called 

‘Night time’

Rochelle Sadie

“What to our eyes is a very pit of darkness is to those children of His love only the shadow of His wings.”

-Amy Carmichael

“You, darkness, that I come from, I love you more than all the fires that fence in the world… and it is possible a great energy is moving near me.   I have faith in nights.” – Rilke