Time passes so quickly now

For me it’s detained

Detained in the moment you discarded

Time arrested in the second you took familiar away from me.

“Come be with your family”

Now, jump to the future in the minute I stay stuck: “Go live your life without us”

The US that you gave your all to, your love and care… yes just move on and pretend we never existed – do your best Rochelle

Time stays stuck as I relive every walk in the park, every hug hello to their sweet faces, every moment of serenity, painting with our brushes – their sweet whispers in the silence of our creative endeavors

Don’t you understand? I love them, I miss them, they became a part of my heart… the two

Time is warped through the lens of “us”. The first time she ice skated and their first pair of skates.

Her first soccer goal, every colored picture, and monopoly games

Time stops as I drive through the city, and watch each memory of babysitting from the corner of my couch

I see them coming up and down the stairs, I see you leaning into the door frame of the kitchen, asking me if I’m upset because I’m scrubbing the dishes

I wish I could catch up to time but it moves on without me

I go with it, but unaware of what happens as it passes, still frozen

So now, time and I must create our own passage.

A channel to unravel the last 4 years from my mind

To untwist you and the girls from my DNA

And things take time

Healing takes time

I do not know the hour, day or year when I will catch up to regular seconds and hours

I do not know how long I will float stunned in the expanse

Time will tell and only she knows

I always land on my feet – I will make the plans as the hands of the clock tick around the numbers

I will learn and grow in the order of the chronological timeline as the Earth spins on it’s axis

But my heart? I do not know… it may stay memorialized in bronze, as my mind moves forward toward a new purpose and vision

I embrace the ‘aloneness’ of this season

My time alone in the wilderness

It’s okay. I know this is the way it was meant to be

As you told me ‘Just Let it Happen’

And so …

She will tell me – Time will tell as new wisdom unfolds and shares her secrets with me

“Happy is the one who finds wisdom and who acquires understanding, for she is more profitable than silver, and her revenue is better than gold. She is more precious than jewels; nothing you desire can equal her; Long life is in her right hand; in her left, riches and honor… all her paths, peaceful. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her, and those who hold on to her are happy.” -Proverbs 3:13-18

“When I became embittered and my innermost being was WOUNDED, I didn’t understand; Yet I am always with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me up in glory. Who do I have in heaven but you? And I desire nothing on Earth but you. My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:21-26

Love Always,

Rochelle Sadie